So, I'm concerned

Even when I now have a plan of sorts, I'm not at all convinced it's the right thing to do. Part of me wants to say 'this career stuff clearly isn't for me' and go and live in Africa or travel the world, for a few years, to go to India and find itself; part wants to be ur-traditional, get a nice job with a nice salary and live in a nice house in a nice suburb, or in a cool flat in Devon; part wishes it was still in Cambridge; part still wants to join the civil service; part wants to take a girl and a VW camper and go touring all summer; part wants to be a musician, and sing and play all the time (bit late for that now); a lot regrets that the other parts haven't done those things; other parts think many other things. But I'm not sure there's a part of me that wants to do what I'm meant to be doing.

This wouldn't be so bad if, as I sometimes tend to believe, I was still about 18. Or if I had no aspirations to a big powerful career and was thus willing just to follow my nose. But it does matter now and I still don't know...

It's a drawback of growing up as slowly as I do, that by the time one has ideas they're for things one should have done, rather than things one could go and do.

So do I accept that, by 'normal' (who?) standards, I should already be two years into a career, and try to catch up? Do I say, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, as long as I'm doing something, and there may be time to do other things later? Do I accept that recruiters have a better idea than I do of whether I'd be capable of doing the job? For sure, there's no point regretting what I didn't do before, but I don't want to regret later what I didn't do now.